Since stressful or unfulfilling relationships have been linked to early mental decline, depression, and diabetes; focusing on the health of our sex life may prevent the premature evacuation of our faculties. Life, for all of us, comes preloaded with its share of bumps in the road. When we share it with another, we are bound to experience some stress, conflict, or challenges along the way. If we are in an unfulfilling relationship, one that is more like a business partnership or roommate situation than a loving connection, and find ourselves longing for the love that is lacking; then we may encounter a variety of additional health concerns. We need love in order to be healthy. This view is supported by the research of traditional science, as well as the wisdom of alternative medicine.
My friend and colleague Michelle Andrie, a yoga therapist here on the big Island of Hawaii, will share with us below how to make our sex more heart-centered (moving it from the second to the fourth chakra). She says “Why should we settle for Cheetos when we could be enjoying fresh, organic kale.” Together we will help you learn how to bring love, from your spirit, into your life and sensuality; and how to recognize when you are in a relationship that does not have it, so you can choose a higher, heart-centered love if you want to. We will also share some of the relationship benefits of yoga and heart-centered sex.
Improving Relationship Health through Love and Touch
In addition to things like communication, conflict resolution, and psychoeducation; couples yoga and heart-centered sex have been linked to healthier relationships. In “Five Couples Yoga Poses to Strengthen Your Relationship,” Sarah Barnes says “The basic definition of yoga is yoke or union—the work of uniting your mind, body, and spirit. Much like Tantra, partner/couples yoga deepens the practice by including your lover, friend or family member, in postures where breathing and moving together is key. And like AcroYoga, couples yoga involves one practitioner acting as the base, and the other the flier.
Elyzabeth Williamson, the creator of Principle-Based Partner Yoga, maintains that partner yoga is an important part of feeling connected to not only our loved ones, but also people in general. She explains that, “Because we are so technologically based it is even more critical and crucial that we have touch … real human touch-based connections.”
Yoga and Heart Centered Sex
All of us have connected to another with second chakra energy. We feel the high of being with the person and we can’t wait to make the relationship sexual. This is a purely human energy center that moves in a straight line, we meet, we have sex, and we are now in a relationship. These relationships are intense and feel like the real deal until about six months to a year later when we begin to see things about the person we didn’t notice because we were literally high on endorphins. Second chakra energy is only about connecting (period). It is NOT about love. Often times in second chakra relationships we continue to move in a straight line even when we notice things aren’t working out. We met, had sex, have a relationship so now we must marry and have kids. Love hasn’t entered the picture at all. So when things begin to fall apart, we begin to attempt to change our partners and the battle begins. Many people call this love and settle for these types of relationships as love.
Real love is found two chakras up the chakra system in the fourth Chakra—the heart. The heart is a purely spiritual chakra. The energy of the heart moves in spirals. It’s full of twists and turns. The heart says, I want to get to know you, that takes time and in that time I’m going to see you and decide if I can accept you just as you are, if I can, I will move a bit closer to you and see what I sense from that point of view. The circle dance begins and our energies begin to evolve around one another. As we circle, things shift and change and if we can stay connected through these challenges, we know there is love between us. Now, when a couple who has taken the time to get to know one another slowly and allows the relationship to evolve to the point of love has sex, Whoa! Spinning, spiraling energy flows between them in a deeply connected circle dance of acceptance. Satisfying both partners on a soul level. There is no thought of marriage. That is for humans. It is only about seeing one another in the spiral of deep acceptance in the moment. And it may evolve to the next moment and the next but the heart doesn’t think about rules. It is freely enjoying what it is experiencing now. The feeling of real love is vulnerability.
So, how do we experience real love? Open your heart daily. The heart opens slowly. It doesn’t like a forced practice like full Urdva Donurasana (full wheel). It likes to lay over a noodle or rolled towel in the heart, knees bent, arms overhead, and consciously breathing in and out of the heart space. It can often feel as if the heart is breaking open in this position. As Leonard Cohen sings, that’s how the light gets in. As we break open we connect to ourselves. Finding acceptance of everything about the self. I recommend doing this for 10-15 minutes and then taking the practice out into our world, deeply connecting to whoever we encounter in complete acceptance. This is a difficult practice as we are trained to judge everyone and everything we encounter. The more we practice, the more we get used to the way of an open heart. An open heart just loves and we will find ourselves attracting others with an open heart and soon we will be circle dancing in love and moving one of those relationships to a sexual space having the ultimate experience we humans can have. Open-hearted sex!
Health Benefits of Open-Hearted Sex
After moving closer in the circle dance, and connecting with someone in the sweet vulnerability of heart-centered sex, there may be an added bonus waiting for us when the rose colored steam clears. Heart-centered sex, or gourmet sex, is sex based on the love of our spirit, expressed through our bodies. Whenever we bring more of our spirit into physical awareness, our relationships benefit from it. So when we share spirit-based, heart-centered sex, we will also bring greater health and happiness into our loving unions. Like most human commodities, sex comes in junk food and gourmet versions. The benefits of refined, sensual epicurean expressions (heart-centered sex) greatly exceed those of the casual tongue and cheek varieties. For sex to nourish, heal, and enhance our relationships, we need to become vulnerable to our partner; we need to open our heart to them; and this usually occurs when couples take the time to get to know each other slowly, and have grown closer to each other while connecting in the circle dance.
Emerging trends reveal that all of us could benefit from sharing more heart-centered sex. It is an energy source that boosts our physical vitality, emotional stability, mental clarity, and spiritual well-being. Like superfoods, yoga, and meditation; frequent heart-centered sex is a core element in a healthy, happy lifestyle. Regular open-hearted sex keeps the body in better balance. That erotic ascension to orgasm pumps dopamine, our body’s natural heroin-high, into our neural pathways, producing motivation, stamina, and personal power. When we erupt into orgasm, its pulsating pleasure floods us with oxytocin, increasing social effectiveness and decreasing cortisol levels (cortisol causes stress). A study published in the Scientific American suggests that heart-centered sex has the same health benefits as meditation (that meditation and gourmet sex are the same to the brain).
So, to help prevent the development of early mental decline, depression, and diabetes; and to experience a healthier, happier relationship; please consider incorporating yoga and heart-centered sex into your mate selection and daily partnership practices (and don’t be afraid to join the circle dance, following the upward spiral into some healthy, loving changes).
By Dr. Kai Swigart and Michelle Andrie